Repetition

I can’t stop repeating thoughts, words and actions
From things that I see and hear
From myself, others and the world
Conversations from the past
Memories from the past
Readings from the past
Writings from the past
To the point of memorization
15 years back, 10 years back, 5 years back
15 months back, 10 months back, 5 months back
15 days back, 10 days back, 5 days back
15 minutes back, 10 minutes back, 5 minutes back
15 seconds back, 10 seconds back, 5 seconds back
I can’t stay in the present moment
I need to repeat all of the moments
That have already happened in my life
Both good and bad, but mostly bad
It’s the only way that I know how to cope
It’s the only way that I know how to let go of
And truly feel and process these intense emotions
I need to repeat all of these things
Over and over and over again
Again and again and again and
They talk as my mind repeats
Shit – I’m sorry – what were you saying?
They talk as my mind repeats
Ugh – my flow was interrupted
I need to start over again
Repeat repeat repeat
Fuck – I couldn’t listen to you again
That’s okay; I mean, I feel selfish
But to be completely honest
Repeating this is what I want and need to do
And I’d rather do this than talk to you
Because it just makes me feel so much better
I can’t stop it; and if I can, I don’t want to

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