Sometimes The World Is Too Much For Me…

Sometimes the world is too much for me
And I feel hyper-sensitive and emotional
Because my senses are overwhelmed
Especially in new/social settings
Or when around strangers
Here – let me try to explain

Sometimes the lights are too bright
And it hurts my eyes
Sometimes the noise is too loud
And it hurts my ears
Even when you talk
So please, speak softly
When you raise your voice
It hurts, confuses and scares me

Sometimes I don’t want to speak
Because I am either not in the mood
Or I’m feeling too anxious
Or I’m in another world
Or because it is so hard
For me to formulate my thoughts
Or explain what’s going on in my mind
So it usually takes me some time
To express my thoughts and feelings
I may shake, stutter, say “um” or pause
A lot, when I try to communicate
So please be patient with me
I am just trying to find the words
To say, when I am speaking with you
(Writing is much easier for me to do)
But for the most part, I like to be quiet
And observant of people, my environment and surroundings
Unless you ask me about my passions
Then I will probably never shut up

Sometimes I don’t like to be touched
And I don’t know why – but I just don’t
I feel uncomfortable or unsafe
Please, don’t take it personally
But sometimes I do like touch
When I feel comfortable and safe
And only if and when I want to
If you know me well and I know you well

Sometimes my brain is so confused
Because I don’t understand
People, or how to socialize
How to initiate a conversation
How to continue a conversation
How to interpret your tone of voice
Your eye gaze and facial expressions
What your body language is saying
Along with what you are saying verbally
I am not much of a fan of small-talk
But I am a fan of big-talk

Sometimes it is too much stimuli for me
Trying to socialize with others
I often feel different
And I struggle to relate
Especially to those my age
Or I don’t know what to focus on
Because I can only concentrate
On one thing at a time
That is why it is hard for me
To make eye-contact with you
So I’ll often look down or away
So I can hear what you are saying
Or so I can talk, too, and reciprocate
And if I try to maintain eye-contact
I often miss what you are saying
But the safer I feel with you
The easier it becomes for me

Sometimes I don’t understand
Things like humour and sarcasm
Or narrative and figure of speech
Because I take everything so literally
I guess language and communication
Are just not my strengths

So when the world is too much for me
And I feel hyper-sensitive and emotional
Because my senses are overwhelmed
I put my headphones on
I may hide under a blanket
Rock, or curl up in a ball
And I go to Kate’s World
Somewhere out in the Universe
It’s my safe, quiet space; my home
But sometimes it gets lonely
And I would like some company
So then I come back to Earth
Or have you come to Kate’s World
But perhaps this time
We can meet halfway

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