Psychosis and Suicide

“Depression and emptiness that lead to suicide and the struggle inside yourself that keeps you alive.” – Immortal Technique

This hip-hop music
This bracelet(s), this necklace
This blanket, this ball
Remind me that people care
They remind me I’m not alone
These emails, these letters
These messages, these quotes
Remind me that I am strong
They remind me I’m not weak
God and my army full of people
I think of them every day and night
Just to get by, just to stay alive
These people keep me fighting
Although I’m tired of this war
I’m hanging by a thread
I want to let go
I’m at the edge of a cliff
I want to walk off
I’m on the ledge of a bridge
I want to jump off
I’m driving my car
I want to cause an accident
I’m looking at this lake
I want to drown myself in it
I’m holding onto something sharp
I want to cut myself with it
I’m holding onto a lighter
I want to burn myself with it
I’m looking at these prescription drugs
I want to overdose on them
I’m looking at the drugs and the alcohol
I want to get high and drunk
I’m looking at these strangers
I want to project my feelings onto them
I’m looking at these rooms
I want to throw and break things
I’m looking at these objects
I want to punch everything
I look at myself in the mirror
I want to attack the mirror or myself
I want to pull my hair out and scream
I want to cry until I run out of tears
I want to put a gun to my head
I want to put a knife to my body
Picturing all this shit that I shouldn’t do
Shit that I don’t want to do
I want to numb myself
With drugs and alcohol
Self-harm and suicide attempts
Hurting myself and hurting others
The temptations of my past
Haunting me everywhere I go
I’m turning my back, but…
These demons are putting up a fight
I say fuck you and leave me alone
I don’t know who you think you are
But I hate you
I hate the way you make me think
I hate the way you make me feel
The way you make me fear
The way you make me doubt
I hate you so much
Who the fuck are you?
Get out of my fucking head
You will not win this battle
You’re try’na take my life away
But you can’t and you won’t
‘Cause God is watching over me now


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